I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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