did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
