I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
