I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
