There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
