I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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