I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
