There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
