Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
