Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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