I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
