Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
