So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
