She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Let's get the cat blown out
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
