I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
