Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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