Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
