Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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