You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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