i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
