The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
