i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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