real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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