i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
