meet me or not, i'm out of control
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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