So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
