dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Small penises have feelings too.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
