Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
