my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
