If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
