we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
