I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
4 words: hood of his car
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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