Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Are we still banned from the library?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
