I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
