what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
