It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
