new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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