she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
