I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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