Did we literally take a cab across the street
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
