and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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