Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
