god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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