In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
