when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
