I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
