Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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