Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
