You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
