Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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