Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
