Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
