I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
